Your Worst Superhero Toy & Favorite Toy You Never Had

April 25, 2012

HW Assignment #2 -Worst Superhero Toy
HW Assignment #3 -Favorite Toy Your Parents Wouldn’t Buy You

So recently, we were assigned the task of finding the worst superhero toy we’ve ever seen. After a few searches I found a cornucopia of toys that the Internet would agree on being the worst superhero toys ever. But the majority of these toys I’ve never seen or heard of. Some are of cartoons that never even made it to the US.

So I’ve decided to revamp my selections to only toys I have owned. Now I don’t know how you grew up, but the only toys that made it to my household where bargain bin toys. Not that I complained really. I think I understood that toys were expensive and that they were a luxury that I could only have once in a blue moon. The only toy I ever remember crying about was a Service Merchandise toy. I seem to remember them having both an Optimus Prime and a Hotrod, but both were too expensive for my mother. I think I ended up going home with Rodimus Prime. Which wasn’t such a bad thing since he ended up becoming a center figure during my GI Joe vs. The Blob epic battles. (The Blob being Silly Putty and/or Play-Doh). I never did own an Optimus or a Hotrod during my childhood. Though I would not place these as my second assignment option.

The toys that come to mind when I think about my worst superhero toy ever owned comes from my collection of HE-MAN toys.

Because of the popularity of HE-MAN’s main protagonist and main antagonist they were always marked decidedly higher in price than any of the show’s secondary characters. Not to mention they’d most likely be sold out. To my mother, this meant, I would never own a He-Man nor would I ever own a Skeletor.

Instead my He-Man toys consisted of the following. Some of them were really cool. One of them was ultra lame.

This is Syklone. Yeah he had some questionable ultra bright colors and kinda reminds me of a fitness instructor at some smoothy bar work out gym, but he was kinda cool. He spun and shit and had some moving radar thing.

This is Stonedar. He made several appearances during many a battle. He would “transform” into a rock. The ultimate in toy camouflage. Many a times the evil bad guys were foiled because they decided to rest a moment after their escape on this unsuspecting rock.

RioBlast. Now this guy was fucking bad ass. Not only did he have a CHEST GUN. And twin mounted cannons on his back that flipped forward. But you see those brown knee pads? Yeah those puppies flipped down to reveal knee mounted blasters. That’s right, when this guy kneed you in the stomach, you got a belly full of plasma fire. He was the Sheriff. The one no one messed with. The one that got things done.



And now, on to the step child of the crew. This was Ram Man. Complete with non-articulating appendages, this bad boy did one thing; it headed butted people. Now technically, any toy could head butt someone. But this one did so with a spring mechanism. You have to understand. During my childhood, toys were evolving. The toy industry was moving away from plastic or metal toys that did nothing (Wrestling Figures), to amazing toy innovations with moving body parts, multiple articulation, and gripped transforming weapons. RamMan, felt like a step backwards. And that’s why RamMan earns my Worst Superhero Toy ever owned.

So there you have it. Sure I had other toys that were super lame. But even my plastic figure of Smurfette got more toy “action” than RamMan. RamMan was definitely the lamest toy that I ever had during my childhood. You may not agree, but on my list, he’s at the top.

Now about “HW Assignment #3 -Favorite Toy Your Parents Wouldn’t Buy You”; yeah… Now sure there were probably a ton of toys that I wanted when I was a kid and never got. Many a times did my mother take me Jason’s Toy Store, Toys R US, and Service Merchandise and I would go home with nothing. From awesome Nerf guns to giant GI JOE vehicles, the list is long with toys that I never had. And yeah, my interests changed with the emergence of new cartoons every year. One day I would want the Silver Hawks space ship and the next year I would want the awesome transforming motorcycle from MASK. Still though. One toy sticks out in my mind. The one toy that it seemed like everyone had except for me.

HE-MAN and Battlecat

To this day, this awesome duo still looks as menacing as ever. So bad ass is this bad guy ass whooping duo that anyone who has ever owned these two are probably remembering some of their most awesome pretend battles ever. Man I wish I had these guys. … I’m actually contemplating hitting up E-Bay right now. … But I think I’ll restrain myself. …. I think.

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